January 3rd, 2013 my husband went in for his surgery, he was so nervous. The surgeon said the surgery would last about three or four hours at the most. Well I can tell you that when my husband does something, he never does it half ass. Thinking this surgery would end the rocky road we had been travelling down, I settled in for the long wait. My daughter and her husband joined me so I would not be going through this alone. We waited, and waited, and waited, and waited.......and waited.
At the five hour mark, and still no word, I was beginning to feel the panic. I couldn't help but think back to all the issues he had experienced previously and wondered if this was why he was held up in the surgery for so long. Was his blood pressure out of control again? Or maybe they could not get his oxygen level back up to where it needed to be? Was there something else wrong! Maybe there were complications! Surely someone would come out to tell me what was happening? But NO, not a word and the day went on.
Six hours passed and the lady at the information desk was getting tired of seeing me. We had been told that about 3 hours after he had arrived that morning that a room would be assigned to him and I could go put his overnight bag into the room. This still had not happened and when I asked if there was any word yet on my husband she said it showed he was still in surgery. Then she proceeded to say, "It's not like in the movies you know." I think my son-in-law had to practically restrain me. What the hell did she mean by that comment? She previously told me I should go home and come back in a few hours. Would you of left?? I highly doubt it. Maybe she was a bitter old divorced woman, I did not know. But what I did know was that I was not going anywhere and the love of my life, the man whom my world revolved around, needed me to be right here where I was so that the second he came out of the recovery room I would be the first person he saw. This way I could assure him it was over and that he had survived and I would stay by his side.
Then while still sitting in the waiting room I saw the lady who had originally checked us in that morning. I quickly went up to her to ask for help to find out if there was someone else I should be speaking with that may know what was happening. She was surprised to hear that he was still not back. So she directed me to another area where she said they might have more information. I rushed down the long hallways to find the people she spoke of. I told them of my concerns and they began checking. The most recent update they had was that he was still on the operating table and they could not interrupt them to ask questions. Again, I would still have to wait but now was feeling more frantic then ever. What was going on!!!!
I kept telling myself to breathe and fought back the tears. I had to have faith. Faith that the doctors were doing all they could and more. Faith that our life together was not over. My husband is not a religious man so I have always avoided discussions of this nature. I do not believe in pushing religion into anyone's face, or going door to door to share the word. I have my own personal beliefs and have attended church from time to time over the years. The truth is Neil came to church with me when I had our children baptized and on some our trips he tours with me through some of the magnificent cathedrals. With his background in carpentry he would admire the structure of the buildings, while I would be in awe of the grandeur and the grace of the sculptures and the stained glass windows which welcome people to these places of worship. I felt comfortable and safe here. The bottom line is that I was happy to know that he would come with me on these tours even though he is not a religious man. Today I had to have faith that my prayers were being heard.
At the seventh hour every alarm in my brain was going off and ringing so loudly that I could no longer hear myself think . I was also getting angry that no one was coming to tell me anything. My stress and fear had now surpassed any words. So this time my daughter went to the information desk and the woman finally told us that he had been assigned a room, but that he still showed being in surgery. We went upstairs and put his belongings in his room. Then I went and sat out in the waiting room just outside his units entrance. Here I knew he could not get by me without my seeing him on the way to his room. My daughter and son-in-law had to leave. They had to go home to let out the dogs. I understood and agreed they should go as the poor puppies must be doing the dance of the pee pee by now as it had been a long day. They told me they would be back in a couple hours and asked that I call them as soon as I had any word.
Still barely holding it together, I sat and continued to wait. My mind racing with every thought imaginable. I looked at my watch every 2 - 3 minutes as time seem to pass by so very slowly. Eight hours had now gone by. The best way I can explain it is that I was like an over filled balloon, really to exploded at any second. Then at last, our surgeon walked right by me! I gasped! He heard me and stopped and said "Neil's wife?" "Yes! Yes!" I replied. I jumped up off of the chair. He said he was looking for me. He asked if we could speak around the corner where it was more private. I followed him like I was his own shadow. He put his hand on my shoulder and said that Neil had made it through the surgery and that they had been able to save his kidney. The rest had to go, his bladder, prostrate, 11 lymph nodes, and at least half of the ureter tube. Everything I had held back all day let go uncontrollably. I sobbed and sobbed. I thanked our doctor over and over again and asked when could I see him. I was told he was in the recovery room now and would be up soon. He explained that they ran into a few complications and difficulties but did not go into the details at that time. He said we would talk to us both more tomorrow.
And so will I to you, if you decide to come back and continue to follow my blog that is...Tori
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